anjlcherub's Xanga

My gift to you

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 01:24:21 GMT

To any of my old school readers who have wondered if I disappeared for good. I'M BACK. Oh, but I'm moving (boy, do I love to do that!).

Stay tuned in 2009... for Cecilia's Jazz. I look forward to sharing life with you once again :)

Purposely spend a quiet last few days of Advent.
May your Christmas celebration be joyous indeed-- don't forget, it's 12 days!

See you bright-eyed and ready for an exciting new year!

tidings of comfort & joy.

Surprise visit

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 03:53:53 GMT

Into this dark night souls begin to enter when God draws them forth from the state of beginners—which is the state of those that meditate on the spiritual road—and begins to set them in the state of progressives—which is that of those who are already contemplatives—to the end that, after passing through it, they may arrive at the state of the perfect, which is that of the Divine union of the soul with God. Wherefore, to the end that we may the better understand and explain what night is this through which the soul passes, and for what cause God sets it therein, it will be well here to touch first of all upon certain characteristics of beginners (which, although we treat them with all possible brevity, will not fail to be of service likewise to the beginners themselves), in order that, realizing the weakness of the state wherein they are, they may take courage, and may desire that God will bring them into this night, wherein the soul is strengthened and confirmed in the virtues, and made ready for the inestimable delights of the love of God.
-St. John of the Cross

( I've been out in the desert...
reflecting and praying.

So sorry to go M.I.A. on you.
I'll blog regularly again. Promise. )

Can I get in trouble for this? Not sure!

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 22:21:24 GMT

But here’s my vulnerable heart on my ratty thermal sleeve.

I worked extra diligently in my last “semester” of full-time work, knowing very well that I would not have a chance to exercise my “clout” any more afterwards. If I was dedicating the prime of my life, why not give that prime to God 110%, as well as every relationship established since I’ve known Him.

[On this “clout”: for some reason when you are dubbed a “full-time worker” in the CFC world, you gain an advantage. You can say something and it means something. You can fight for something and gain an instant following. Of course, people don’t choose to do this work because of this, but it obviously happens. On the other hand, as an eff-tee-dub… you get a lot of criticism and pressure because of the title. Such is life, isn’t it? Haha. Praise God for it all ]

I loved my two years of pastoral work. However, something that disappointed me greatly during this time was two things -- two rather large things. One thing was that the youth and singles (a lot, not all) forgot about the essence of the service and the essence of even belonging to the family community (formerly united as Couples For Christ). It had gotten so much about the work, the structure, the schedule, the supposed duties and pointing out when people didn’t do them. These functionalities were more of focus rather than checking to make sure everyone was praying first and foremost, or rather than learning who about each other and not being afraid to talk about God and spiritual gifts and the Holy Spirit and emotions about how God overwhelms them.

The second thing that disturbed me during my “term” was that youth and singles tread a thin line when they evangelized: the line of accommodation. I’d notice every now and then that we would be catering so much to the strangers and the people we wanted to evangelize to, that we forgot what WE wanted to tell THEM. We forgot who we were.

We forgot what we stood for. We forgot that we contribute positive light to the world and that we don’t need to water it down. We forgot that love is always more important than function, and that there is a difference between the law and the Spirit of the law. We forgot that people benefit from the truth we have to proclaim simply because it is Jesus and not us. (Who are we to them, anyway?)

And I switched to a collective “we” in this entry, because I lamented my weaknesses as well. I saw the plank in my own eye. I, too, forgot who I was. And this is why 2007 is a memorable year for me.

It is because after all this “forgetting” of our convictions, our omnipotent God brought us through a journey of lamentations in order to see a glorious hope. [Everyone who has this hope based on him makes himself pure, as he is pure 1 Jn 3:3] We are still on this journey. And I have seen some amazing things recently. I have experienced more miracles. I have listened to lives ablaze with the Holy Spirit. I have cried in witness to the awesome and mighty deeds of God that still continue among the singles and youth.

Blessed are we!!!

A priest I know wrote about today’s feast of All Saints. He said: “Today we celebrate the feast of all the unknown saints who are not in heaven. The Church reminds us that sanctity is within everyone’s reach. Through the Communion of Saints we help one another achieve heavenly glory.”

We are created to be saints. This day is also in celebration of us. For those saints who have gone before us…And those saints waiting to reach the glory of heaven above.

Who do you want to be?

May we repeatedly come to -- remember – our convictions, to clearly see the kind of path we are on. May that path be one that is not of waste to the Lord, but evident of one who wants nothing else than to inch closer and closer to heaven.

I long for heaven. For now I’ll take heaven on earth. Love is the answer.

I had a vision of a great multitude,
which no one could count,
from every nation, race, people, and tongue.
They stood before the throne and before the Lamb,
wearing white robes and holding palm branches in their hands.
They cried out in a loud voice:

“Salvation comes from our God, who is seated on the throne,
and from the Lamb.”

[Rev 7:9-10]

Forever and ever, Amen.

[thoughts on my life in nj so far, to come. settling-in still in progress ]

nomadic tendencies

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 04:23:26 GMT

road trip begins in 6 hours.
goodbye Lone Star...

goodnight. when i wake up from the blur, i should already be in the East.
pray for vince and i as we drive out over the next two days!!!

peace.

i win!

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 21:20:17 GMT

everything is working out in my favor! thanks God!
everything except... getting sleep at the appropriate times. oh, but that's besides the point! =)

1. tomorrow my dad is turning 53. super excited that he's on vacation from work so we've been spending time, chatting, he's helping me plan my short term goals haha...
2. for his birthday, my sister and i are taking him to the 70s Soul Jam show featuring The Stylistics, The Emotions, Bloodstone, The Dramatics and Heatwave. you are super cool if you know these groups and their music!!!
3. im realizing i have a knack for providing music for wedding ceremonies (and cocktail hours, if you prefer). what a fun side job! time to make business cards...
4. my management at starbucks luh-huh-huh-ves me! they are willing to transfer me when the following happens...
4. im moving to new jersey! (just making it official)

wow. three potential jobs all at the same time?! how blessed am i?

soon and very soon, my friends. soon and very soon!
sentimental thoughts to come, of course!!! and so continues the metamorphosis of me...

but for now its, clean, pack, sleep... repeat! bye!

(look at all these '!!!' hahaha)

vitamin c.

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 17:32:17 GMT

i need lots of vitamin c. i managed to avoid major ragweed/pollen allergies in the past few weeks... but now i can feel a cold coming on. have you tried the Odwalla Citrus C-Monster? i tried that today-- two thumbs up!

in the meantime, good and new music seems to be getting me by quite satisfactorily. got the new rilo kiley album and a limited offering of standard covers by amel larrieux. oh yeah, you're so jealous, right? good choices, if i don't say so myself haha...

[ soul language: ill hook you up with a copy, when i see you if you like :) maybe with some cookies. just maybe. ]

gotta go practice canon in d now for this weekend... [ hi mg! ] praying...

grace (a spurt of super deep thought - ptooey!)

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 19:03:02 GMT

"Grace" has been a concept I've been curious about. I mean, well... what is it? All these words that are so "normal" in Christian language, i.e. "love", "hope", "faith", "salvation", "grace", are so simple yet sometimes can be complicated if one does not actually take time to understand them.

On the surface, "grace" is such a pretty word. Haha, it really is, isn't it? Grace sounds heavenly, definitely "of God". If I think about it long enough, I start envisioning clouds and angels playing harps and I start to feel a bit floaty. The precise positioning of each letter and the single syllable in the word "grace" give it a gentle kind of power. It even reminds you of all the sister Grace's you know... most of them, being very aestheticly pleasing themselves. ;)

I still don't really know for sure. But, isn't that the point of (there's that word again) faith? Believing what you cannot always see or know? So I think I have an idea of what grace is, and positively have experienced the grace of God, whether I sensed it or not, in recent months.

By Christian definition,

grace: the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God; also, the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate them or strengthen them.

Of course, each Christian denomination will claim various ways of achieving God's grace, but thats a discussion for another time (probably never on Xanga haha).

By the grace of God,
    I've been able to make peace through reconciliation in my life, with persons I never thought I'd ever be able to look in the eye again. Through grace you see people and things through God glasses, as Vince would say.
By the grace of God,
    I've come to peace with decisions and changes in my life. With grace, you experience less fear to move on and keep growing.
By the grace of God,
    miracles have blessed my life and those around me. Grace found through faithful prayer and devotion is a sure shot to a blessed and joyful life.

War, monopoly, materialism, greed... all evil will continue to lurk around us. But I can understand now that the world will never completely succeed. Until we can give up on trying to understand the loopholes and exceptions of morality, there will always be bad things. Boo. Aaand we will never understand these evils. While we're at it, we will never fully understand God. But I geeeeeet it now. I get it. God gives us grace to stop trying to figure it out and be the difference. Simple.

Our feeble human brains can only figure out so much. So we seek His understanding. We sincerely look forward to an outpouring of His freely-given grace... to live as best we can this earthly life, and how to better go back to how we were originally created to be/act/dwell...

in His image and likeness.

Parents have the capability to spoil you with gifts galore. And they sometimes do. The best gifts I'm sure they love to bestowe on their children though, are the gifts that truly reward their child for a job well done. Like, when your mom took you out for that McDonald's ice cream cone when you got your first A+. May we not take hand-outs or take the gifts of God for granted. That we may live in a manner so pleasing to Him that His graces only become evident in the quietness of our soul.

[Oh yeah... this is what happens when your co-baristas are all active Christians, and one of your supervisors is a studying pastor. Discussions are intensely, positively stimulating.].

Bit off Tina

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 02:50:07 GMT

This is my chillax weekend. And... I... LOVE... IT. Not doing anything 'cept a little bit of tidying, reading, and lounging. And filling out random questionairres!

1. I love... Jesus.
2. Right now I want... to do nothing.
3. I feel like... baking some brownies.
4. I hate it when... my garage door doesn't close.
5. I fear... Teletubbies.
6. I'm lonely without... people to talk to.
7. I need... a full-time job pronto.
8. Today I... decided to sell my guitar.
9. Tomorrow I'm... going to run, go to Mass, then do more of nothing.
10. I just... need to be alone for a bit.
11. I want to meet... Winnie Cooper!
12. I'm hungry for... McNuggets and a Big Mac.
13. I love it when... I get packages or snail mail.
14. I'm afraid of... drowning. literally.
15. I'm listening to... Earth Wind & Fire.
16. I'm wearing... pj pants and a beater.
17. I wish I was in... California today.
18. I'm craving... McNuggets.
19. I want to get... an ipod.
20. I can... remember pretty far back into my toddler years.
21. I can't... hear very well for some reason,
22. I have... learned the true meaning of reconciliation.
23. I haven't... fainted in a while.
24. I'm nervous to... move.
25. My Mom thinks I'm... never going to get married.
26. My Dad thinks I'm... old enough to make my own decisions. But I'm not haha
27. I think... the Mavs need to win the finals or get out of my life.
28. I'm happy when... I'm fed and rested.
29. I'm sad when... my feelings are discounted.
30. I like eating... NJ bagels.
31. I hate eating... mushrooms.
32. I love watching... brides walk down aisles.
33. I love listening to... birds wake me up some mornings.
34. I like playing... sonatinas.
35. I hate waking up to... ruckus in the kitchen from whoever wakes up first.
36. I can see... me and my friends now having gatherings with all our future families. fun times.
37. I'm glad that... i know better.
38. I'm disappointed that... I still second guess myself.
39. I look like... my mom when she was single.
40. I wish I looked like... ... ...

Z.z.z. Goo'night!

feel it break

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 16:43:09 GMT

I am a new day rising
I’m a brand new sky
To hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
Do I stay or run away
And leave it all behind? -foo f.

we have had our hearts broken, haven't we? from the past, from the present... do you ever feel it literally break? like, it feels as if someone is squeezing this large mass of muscle and slowly wringing it this way and that way, trying to tear it apart.

it's not a direct pain. but it feels improper. it feels uncomfortable. so much, that it still makes you cry.

my heart is breaking.
when you hear the sound of others cry... it brings pain.
when you hear of good Christian people hurting each other maliciously, out of their own hurt, out of their misunderstanding, out of their assumptions... it brings pain.
when you hear of innocent bystanders getting thrown into chaos they were hoping would result in peace... it brings pain.

as the foo fighters sang in pure grit, "it's times like these you learn to love again".

why should we stop attending daily Mass? why should our prayertimes start to dwindle? why should we stop asking each other "how are you doing"? why should we stop caring for people and causes?

did our heart and passion change? last i checked, we were believers of God and supporters of man. not vice versa.

Col 1:3-11
Brothers and sisters:
If you were raised with Christ, seek what is above,
where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.
Think of what is above, not of what is on earth.
For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
When Christ your life appears,
then you too will appear with him in glory.

Put to death, then, the parts of you that are earthly:
immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire,
and the greed that is idolatry.
Because of these the wrath of God is coming upon the disobedient.
By these you too once conducted yourselves, when you lived in that way.
But now you must put them all away:
anger, fury, malice, slander,
and obscene language out of your mouths.
Stop lying to one another,
since you have taken off the old self with its practices
and have put on the new self,
which is being renewed, for knowledge,
in the image of its creator.
Here there is not Greek and Jew,
circumcision and uncircumcision,
barbarian, Scythian, slave, free;
but Christ is all and in all.

we are people called to love. so let's do it. let's spread it. love is the answer.

on the parent-child relationship

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 03:57:22 GMT

ahh... weddings. just can't enough of 'em this year, can we? i went to one last weekend; i'm going to another tomorrow. then again another in 3 weekends.

now, besides the grand and overwhelmingly beautiful entrance of each bride ive seen, the second pivotal moment of great emotion is... yes, that's right-- the parent-child dances. and naturally, of course. when has family NOT revived that soft spot in your heart that brings on the rush to fight back the streaming tears? [run on sentence, i know. but its ok so as to describe my point.]

there's the bride that dances with her daddy. and ive seen all kinds of relationships dance this one. There's the daughter who has always been "daddy's little girl" and its a joyful, happy dance. Or... its a bittersweet dance, because its hard to let go and grow up. Then, there's the daughter who is closer to her stepfather but dances with her biological father she misses greatly, and they kind of cling to each other and make up for so many years in a just a few minutes of Kenny Rogers or Bob Carlisle. This then leads to the bride getting choked up and you start to feel her pain, thus leading you to cry with her. And there's the daughter who has an ordinary relationship with her dad, having grown up with awkward communication skills and the intimacy of this dance is something she's anticipated, yet embraces.

next, of course, there's the groom-with-mommy dance. these get kinda crazy. either the groom puts on a cute, silly show for the audience to woo and clap, or the groom really shows us his love for his mama in a sincere way... which, nevertheless, leads to wooing and clapping.

in all instances, you're always wondering what they're thinking in that spotlight moment on the dancefloor, aren't you? You wonder... what would I be thinking and which dance relationship would I be? (for those of us unmarried).

and that thought process finally leads you to, what is my relationship with my parents right now? (ok fine, maybe this is just my thought process).

in the past week, ive really come to an honest, hearty realization; and that is, we must honor our father and mother. no matter what and in any/all circumstances.

john mayer said "fathers be good to your daughters", but really i think he meant families be good to each other because its 'til death do you part'. and that song has always made me a bit weak in heart because it is a secular reminder for me whenever it comes on the radio, that my family forever and always will be... my family. and i have to protect that. not just by a physical nature, but also in how i deal with them in my words and thoughts.

and speaking from the perspective of the first generation of immigrant children, we must accept that we may be the ones that have to make the difference in our families. of course, this means:
- we make adjustments (mentally, spiritually) with ourselves, first and foremost
- we initiate better communication
- we accept their flaws and imperfections, and attempt to teach them with utmost patience
- we try to understand their perspective at all times, even if they consider our perspective none of the times
- we abide by their rules in their house, or work to compromise
- we correct them with love
- we stop years of bad cycles and patterns
- we have hope that our family can always strive to be better and strive to always stay united
- we love. always.

please don't think that because of this blog i have all my relationships straightened out. alls im saying is that ive choked on my own spit, and realized that we can't for one second think that our bad relationships will blow over or be patched up with a band-aid. you've got to work at love.

and fortunately for us, we have our families forever. we have everyday to work at it.

i think it holds true that the child who honors his/her parent will honor his/her spouse. so sons, be good to your mamas. girls, be good to your daddys. then, be good to the other one, too.

love. love. love.
love is the answer.